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by Randy OoneyMy Nickel’s Worth by Randy Ooney
Turkey of the Year 2011,
Hard to believe another year has passed us by. Years ago, many leagues and bowling centers had turkey shoots during Thanksgiving week. Sometimes high scores would win a turkey, other times it took three strikes in a row. These days however, if you have not had a three bagger by the 5th frame, you’re having a bad night. Turkeys abound at the bowling centers across the country, and sadly, there is never a shortage of human turkeys across the country either.
This year’s selection committee met at the newly roofed Metrodome, since nothing much else seems to be going on there these days. Previous honorees Patrick Reusse and the AMF manager were not invited, Denny Hecker was not able to attend, and Brad Childress’ last known whereabouts was somewhere in Florida, near Kingpin. Bill Smith was highly touted for this year’s honor. He led the Twins to 99 losses, made a number of turkey neck trades, but lost his job so the sympathetic board took him out of the running. Scott Ullger got a number of players out of the lineup for home plate collisions, and I wanted to add the Twins shortstop to the list, but I can’t spell his name. Horsey does not have feathers, and cannot walk on two legs. Drock can still walk on two legs, but those are nose hairs, not feathers. Sorry, try again next year.
How many of those reading this article were even alive the last time the Gopher football team went to the Rose Bowl. Murray Warmath took them there 50 years ago in 1961. I’m not sure the Gophers will ever again be a Big 10 + 2 powerhouse, but is it too much to ask to handle North Dakota? And how about those Timberwolves this year? Already near December and still tied for 1st place.
Governor Dayton and our state lawmakers pulled a worthless stunt in July, putting many state employees on furlough while they were unable to pass a budget. Then, when they finally figured it out, the money they took from the counties will come out of your wallet for property tax next year. Gobble, gobble.
We have a growing number of gobblers daily on our roadways. If you make a left turn into a right lane, or a right turn into a left lane, you drive like a turkey. If you drive and talk on your mobile phone at the same time, you are a turkey. And if you text while driving, you really need to be stuffed and baked.
But this year’s choice for Turkey of the Year was resounding and unanimous. The one idiot who crashed an entire University and their football program with his egregious acts, Jerry Sandusky.
As always, a very Happy Thanksgiving wish to all at mnbowling.com.
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