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by Randy OoneyMy Nickel’s Worth by Randy Ooney
My Nickel’s Worth by Randy Ooney
2016 Turkey of the Year
Once again it is that time of year when friends and family get together for the Thanksgiving holiday. On this bright and sunny November day, the Turkey committee left Target Field empty and held the Turkey of the year voting at the billion dollar US Bank Stadium. The stadium home of the Vikings is definitely not a turkey, but a fabulous venue for football, soccer, trade shows and other gatherings for folks that would like to play in a billion dollar facility.
We have all suffered through a presidential campaign of the worst kind. My lifetime has spanned twelve presidents of the United States, six Democrats and six Republicans, and I have never seen the rudeness that was displayed by both candidates this year. Hillary’s slogan was “Stronger Together” while Trump touted “Make America Great Again”. Actually I feel that the United States has treated me well and is already great. I am wondering if the Donald was talking about South America? OR did he not know that Mexico is also in (Central) America? And, always polite Hillary, traveled the nation saying ‘pardon me’.
At least the Gopher Football team won a few games this year against weaker opponents, but a win is a win. But the committee nominated Tracy Claeys for some of his play calling, especially in the red zone against Michigan last year. Plus his physique indicates that his selections at the dinner table may be hazardous to his health. Colin Kaepernick receives a nomination. Not only did disrespect our National Anthem, but he disrespects the NFL for the way he wears his hair.
Our Minnesota Twins pitching staff will be moved to one of those low long buildings where the window openings have no glass and dried corn kernels will be put in tin pans for them to munch on. It seems as if once Target Field was completed, The Pohlads decided that they don’t need to fill it with a team. “If you build it, they will come” was a great line from “Field of Dreams” but “they” may not come too often unless a team is built to go with the stadium.
Richard Pitino has provided us local fans with some of the worst basketball teams in recent years. Even Jim Dutcher’s “Iron five” remaining after the fool around in Madison, WI, won more games than last years’ Gophers. This year we may be able to finish 14th in the “Big 10”.
After collecting the secret ballots submitted by the committee, the 2016 Turkey of the year has been selected. This former pitcher and Hall of Fame member happily for us TV watchers has been demoted by Fox Sports North from 100 to 80 games in 2017. This former Twin who now thinks he’s a journalist does not know the difference between an adjective and an adverb. He thinks the past tense of pinch hit is pinched hit, and the plural of first baseman is first basemans. He cannot pronounce Zobrist or Cespedes, but lets everyone listening know when his birthday is coming. Of course the turkey committee is happy to circle on the ballot our 2016 Turkey of the year, now pitching – number 28 – Bert Blyleven.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I will be giving thanks for people not referring to November 24th as “turkey day” and while we’re at it, let’s not call November 25th “Black Friday”. Thank you.
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